July 2009
5 posts
“A summer’s disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul...”
– MJ
Funniest Craiglist Post Ever: Text to Follow →
You: Wake up at around 10AM, because you went out with “the girls” last night, and that glass of wine turned into a few more than that. All of this was bought on a credit card. Wear enormous sunglasses, and text at every possible moment — not paying attention to me. Display your obvious fashion sense by wearing a four inch belt around your abdomen that resembles Mr. T’s...
Best book I've read in a while
I just finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy, I was motivated because the film is coming out, and Guy Pearce is in it, ‘nuff said. Hands down, this is one of the BEST books I have read in a long time. For those out there that are culturally inept, McCarthy is the author of No Country For Old Men, another fabulous book/movie. Read this shit before the movie, the writing and the story are both...
June 2009
33 posts
“Oh, all I wanna do, all I wanna do is cook your bread
Just to make sure that...”
– Etta James, I Just Wanna Make Love To You
Interesting Family Dynamics
Last night I got into a heated discussion with my mom and pops about what constitutes an alcoholic. My dad and I were pretty much on the same page, while my mom had a more antiquated view of the matter. At some point, later in the evening, I was basically told I don’t contribute enough to the household. So, today I went to the liquor store and bought a case of wine, a bottle of port, a...
Ebaying it UPPPP!
So recently I have been selling my life, and the stuff of others on E-Bay. It has been somewhat lucrative, though I had my first return after 20 or so sales. I accidentally sold a bikini, a new one, and the size for the top were mismatched. I didn’t realize this discrepancy, but the buyer did and this was their communication with me: “I need to see how to return this item on the...
“Like it already has, I may not seem quite right
But I’m not fucked, not...”
– Elliott Smith, Bled White
“I came to the fork in the road and went straight”
– Cappadonna, Slang Editorial
Taco Bell/KFC This Evening
Me: I'll have a T-1, two biscuits, and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette.
Taco Bell/KFC Employee: Hahahahahahahahaha, you said balsamic vinaigrette.
Me: What do you have?
Taco Bell/KFC: (still laughing) We only got like two dressings, Caesar, Ranch, and Low Fat Italian.
Guilty Guilt-Free Purchase
Just got myself a Balenciaga bag for $300 at a consignment shop. I love that a shitton of rich people are poor and desperate now, I get awesome deals.
Did I really come up with this?
So, though, it is not unusual for me to toot my own horn every once and a while.
Recently, I was at a friend’s apartment and my iPod needed to be charged desperately, or else, my strolling would have no theme music. What a wretched concept. Anywho, I asked if I could have some “apple juice” and picked up the white charger cord. Now this childish and what I think is obvious pun...
Dammit
My godmother, who is by far the most awesome person I know, just told me she needs a liver transplant. Why do bad things always happen to the best people? This inverse relationship is really getting tiresome.
Woot Woot New Hampshire is the house of coolness.
New England is looking pretty fucking BAMF, compared to the rest of the country at least. The West Coast should get it’s shit together, everything has gone to shit out there since 2 Pac died. East Coast motherfuckers.
“She’s young, dumb, and full of cum.”
– Zach Galifianakis, making fun of a chic at the Cat’s Cradle
“I once crossed an armadillo with a vibrator… I called it an armadildo.”
– Unknown
“She needs to stop being so judgmental and stop pulling at straws for attention,”
– Octomom, aka Nadya Suleman, referring to Kate Gosselin (Jon and Kate Plus 8 mamawhore) in an interview by radaronline.com. This woman is redonkulous.
Air France Missing Plane
While they found debris today believed to belong to the Air France flight that went missing yesterday over the Atlantic, I can’t help but hold a little hope that they are really stuck on some beautiful and mysterious island, a la Lost. Cause that would be cool.
REBLOG IF YOU HAVE ONLINE FRIENDS YOU WISH YOU...
joodiff:
erikavw:
jeezits: shannonulation
Pink dolphins DO exist →
So apparently there is such a thing as pink dolphins, something I really wanted when I was six. Some type of authority figure told me that they did not exist, liars! Now I will be on the lookout for rainbow pandas, ligers, unicorns, and gnomes.
More Wacky Dreams
Ok, so I dreamt about zombies, for about the nine millionth time, not so weird for me. The strangeness came into effect because I wasn’t really that upset about it. Yeah people were getting eaten left and right, but all of my really good friends were there and we were alright. It was kinda fun actually… running around dodging the living dead, stocking up on supplies. Like a video game...
Why give HER attention... promoting irresponsible... →
I hate this Octomom character, I might hate her irresponsible doctors even more. I don’t understand how Republicans can argue against stem cell research and abortion, when they allow such ridiculous modes of procreation. And now she gets a fucking book/TV deal, yeah, cause that turned out really fucking well with Jon and Kate Whatevertheirnameis.
Doctors: stop playing God, some assholes...
May 2009
189 posts
“and I don’t want to break the rules
cause I’ve broken them all...”
– The White Stripes, Sister, Do You Know My Name?
Fuck you tumblarity.
Yeah, I’ll say I don’t care about you… but I do. But that is only because I like numbers and I feel they are the most efficient means of expression. Therefore, stop making me arbitrarily feel like shit. So I actually worked today, fuck me huh? I say fuck you jobu.
Thoughts From Your Lost Remote →
alexwatt:
Hey buddy! Hellooooo, I’m right here underneath the couch! Yes, the same exact couch that you are currently sitting on pondering my whereabouts. It’s me, your T.V. remote, and I demand that you find me. I don’t like it down here, it’s dark and scary. It kind of reminds me of the cave Bear Grylls was in on the “Man vs. Wild” episode we recently watched. That episode was really something...
Al Franken
I wish Al Franken was younger… and hotter, cause he’s the man I should be with.
Contemplating sending out random letters with...
On my list so far:
1. Jon Stewart
2. Al Franken
3. Trey Parker & Matt Stone
Might as well swing for the fucking fence. As my mom always said: “The worst they can say is ‘no.’”